The Rise of the Billy’s

wikipedia reference define BILLY


  1. A term used to reference an out of control child accompanied by their Mother who does not give a flying fart in space.

There is at least one Billy in every public place. Grocery store, zoo, family reunion, etc. The goal here is to eliminate the Billy’s. Wipe ’em out. But this can’t happen until this epidemic is addressed. Don’t worry though, I will teach you how to identify the signs of a Billy and by the end of the article, you should be able to recognize the Billy’s in your life.

organize Now, let’s begin.

A Billy in a grocery store…

A Billy in a grocery store will hang out of the cart screaming for their favorite cereal. They are capable of walking throughout the store on their own but Billy’s Mom throws Billy in the cart because it’s just easier. If you are passing one in a store you will hear them asking to go to the toy section every ten seconds and they will get louder and louder each second Billy is getting ignored by good old Mommy.

A Billy who doesn’t get their way…

What does a Billy do when they don’t get their way? I’ll tell you what they do. They raise hell! They will throw themselves on the floor, scream at the top of their lungs and use phrases towards their parents such as “YOU’RE STUPID!” “I HATE YOU!” “PLEASE MOM LET ME HAVE IT!”  Billy’s Mom will give in because she wants Billy to shut that hole in his face. She gives in to Billy’s requests to end the tantrum, only to wait for the next one.

A Billy when another adult tells them what to do…

Since clearly Billy doesn’t like to listen to others because he is being raised that way, he will completely disregard any kind of request from another adult. He will be disrespectful. “You can’t tell me what to do!”  Billy will have complete disregard to others because Billy is a self entitled little ass hat. Don’t worry, Billy’s Mom doesn’t care either. She will care though when no one shows up to Billy’s birthday party

Billy at home…

Billy likes to stay in his room and play video games. He doesn’t enjoy too much outside of that; human interaction just isn’t his thing. He will yell from his room “MOOOOOM BRING ME A COKE AND A COOKIE!”  She will comply because she doesn’t want Billy to raise hell when it is just so peaceful right now

A Billy meets crazy mom (me) at McDonald’s Play Place…

Billy’s Mom will casually sip her Mocha Frappe like she is going places. Billy will be acting a fool and I have to tell Billy’s Mom since she isn’t paying attention. First, I will warn her by politely saying “Ma’am, your son is guarding the entrance to the play place and hissing.” But, she won’t listen because she is too busy on her phone searching for the dude at the tire shop who just put “like-new” tires on her Prius. After realizing she isn’t coming back to reality, I will grab Billy nicely and I will ask him to please move it before I get in touch with my inner psycho. Minutes later, I’ll hear my little one cry and I’ll rush into the play place only to witness Billy smacking kids around like he’s in a WWF ring. I’ll tell her he is hitting and she will simply shout from her seat “Billy, quit hittin’!”  I’ll tell her if he hits my kid again, I’m hanging Billy upside down by his ankle from the top of the slide using a shoelace I jacked off a kids’ sneaker from the shoe bin. Billy’s Mom won’t do anything after Billy (inevitably) hits my kid again. So, I do exactly as I said I would and hang Billy by his ankle. She will finally look up from her 4th Generation IPhone already in frustration because she can’t find the tire guy on Facebook only to see little Billy. She’ll scream and call me a psycho so I’ll throw her Frappe in her face. I’ll probably even give her an Indian rug burn or something crazy weird because I have had it with the Billy’s in the world and quite frankly, I don’t give a McShit if I look crazy!

Well, there ya have it folks! An epidemic of ungrateful little snots being raised by lazy mothers, now known as a Billy. Feel free to share and drop the hint to Billy’s Mom on your friends list.

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