21 Things I Want To Say To Olivia On The Bachelor
If you have been keeping up with the new season of The Bachelor, you will find many things you love (Ben) and well, kinda hate (Olivia). I love Ben Higgins. How can someone not love Ben Higgins? He’s insanely attractive, sweet, genuine, caring and I need to stop there, I’m a married woman. Then there is the opposite side of the spectrum, things I kinda hate. I hate that a woman who is just basically awful is still in the running for such a sweet guy’s heart. But at the same time, I don’t necessarily hate Olivia, because I know she doesn’t stand a chance with America’s heartthrob. I just find myself cringing and dropping F-bombs as I’m watching the show. Olivia, to put it bluntly, pisses me off. So I made a list of things I want to say to Olivia.
- Olivia, Ben is not your man “at this point.” There’s like 14 other women with smaller mouths left.
- You are not zen with Ben.
- Your overconfidence is not only annoying but sounds to me like you are just trying to convince yourself that you and Ben have more than what you really do.
- You love this man? Really? You’ve spent like 5 hours with him. I’m allowed to love him because I don’t care if he thinks I’m creepy. I’m not trying to marry him, you are. Don’t freak him out!
- You can’t have every one-on-one date. You literally got the first impression rose and your head blew up like a balloon. First impressions mean nothing. I once ate a cheeseburger and my first impression was that it was delicious but hours later I got food poisoning. Get over yourself.
- You did kinda make a fool out of yourself with your little “talent.” You made me feel uncomfortable in my own living room clear in Indiana. (10 minutes away from Ben’s hometown, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for you, ya crazy).
- If you interrupt one more person, I’m literally going to scream.
- Your panic attack wasn’t really a panic attack. It was more like “Why wasn’t Ben obsessed with me after that performance” attack.
- I’m following the Twitter account, “Olivia’s Mouth.”
- When you cried to Ben about your cankles; after he told everyone he was down because of two deaths in his community… I felt my body temperature rise 6 degrees.
- When you came out of that cake, I hoped you were going to trip.
- Why did you tell JoJo the ‘I’m falling in love with you’ was reciprocated? Are you kidding? Do you seriously not remember that you’re on TV? Like, millions of people are going to know you lied and look crazy?
- Why are you snapping your fingers and dancing when you felt you just had to talk to Ben again? It’s weird. You’re weird!
- Ben isn’t sending you signals. He’s not saving the “best for last.” He’s telling you “Get your shit together or Buh Bye.”
- Powder your nose.
- You aren’t as special as you make yourself out to be. Ben has a variety of smart and beautiful women to choose from. Stop being so cocky.
- Yes, you aren’t good at being sexy, you become very awkward. I agree with you for once.
- Why didn’t you just shove both of your fists in your mouth for your talent?
- Stop calling Ben your husband. He is not your husband. At all. Husband’s don’t date 14 other women.
- Ben called Caila a sex panther. Ben didn’t call you a sex panther.
- When Ben looks at you his smile is a cross between “what is wrong with her” and “please stop talking.”
Look, I understand the producers will cut, edit and produce whatever they want, to create whoever they want. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you probably aren’t a bad person or that cray cray, you’re just reacting in your own weird way because of the circumstances. It just so happens that you can’t handle it.
So, if I had to make a prediction, I’d say you are going home next week. And if you’re not, I’m done watching.
Just kidding! Ben is way too hot to miss.
Want more? Read 21 Things I Want To Say To The Bachelor Ben Higgin’s.